No one likes it. Everyone is scared of it. But online dating has become a necessary evil in the world we live in. There are many reasons and theories why it's impossible to find love the "old-fashioned" way. Some say people are too afraid to make a move especially with social norms changing. Some say people are braver behind a computer or a phone screen. And that is all true. Technology has made many things in life easier, but depending how you look at it, dating might not be one of those things.
Personally, I always had trouble figuring out whether or not someone "liked me like that". I didn't always have the confidence to make the first move either, but the few times I did muster up the courage to do so, I was rejected in one way or another. One guy told me he thought of me like a sister--ouch--and that he had a vision that his soulmate was Taylor Swift--keep dreaming, buddy. Another guy told me he liked me back but he was "too shy" to go on a date with me. And yet another guy just left me hanging or in other words "ghosted" me before ghosted was even a term! I also have been friend-zoned more times than I could count so dating the old way wasn't exactly working for me.
Online dating appealed to me because the intentions are much clearer to on an app that focused on two people matching with the intention of dating... or let's face it, at least the intention of hooking up, which is more common these days on the apps than people who go on actual dates. And there's nothing wrong with that--if that is in fact what you're looking for.
And just to be clear -- ANY and ALL dating apps can be used for hookups, not just Tinder/Grindr, so if you're trying to avoid matches only after one thing, I'm sorry, but you're not going to find it.
In late 2021, I decided to give online dating my all and I know that would mean taking the good with the bad. I didn't expect to find "the one", but I knew I needed to step out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Little did I know that 7 months later, I would be deleting my dating profiles because I fell in love with my fiancé, Steven, whom I met on Hinge!
Before matching with Steven, I matched with and met a plethora of guys and thankfully, I had mostly good experiences, but I also learned to weed out my matches pretty easily.
Since I know many people who still struggle with the idea of dating apps or have given up on them because of disappointing experiences, I decided to write down some tips that helped me survive it all while keeping my mental and physical well-being in check.
Keep in mind these tips are geared more toward heterosexual ciswomen looking for heterosexual cismen, but many of these tips can be helpful no matter who you are or what you're looking for!
*Disclaimer: Just because I matched with s "plethora of guys" does not mean I actually met all of them or even had a conversation with all of them. Out of hundreds of matches, I was lucky if a quarter of those guys could actually hold a text conversation with me! Dating apps are a numbers game (see Tip #8) so if I wanted to get to anyone of quality, I had to keep swiping to see the potential candidates.
1. Keep an Open Mind. It's hard to judge someone by their photo and a few prompts on a dating profile. Try not to be too picky. Plenty of men I have matched with have been more attractive in person and some less attractive in person. In a world of photo filters and editing and adding a few inches to your height on a dating profile is common, you really don't know how someone looks until you meet them. Beyond any superficiality, you won't know if you have a mutual attraction until you meet in person so don't judge a profile by its photos... unless there are hard stops that you are just not into or attracted to or red flags, of course. For me, that meant hunting photos, gym selfies, and missing teeth.
2. Keep Things Lighthearted. In the end, most of us are looking for love and commitment, but you will be super letdown if you go in expecting to find 100 matches who are looking for the same thing as you. While dating apps can be used to go on actual dates, they are also heavily used for hookups and casual relationships too. You may not be looking for casual, and that's fine, but do not take it personally when someone is only interested in sex. No, it's not you and no, you don't have to settle for "just sex" unless you are looking for someone to hook up with while in pursuit of love (because there is nothing wrong with that either). This is where stating intentions is super important! See Tips #3 + 4 for more on that.
3. Know What You're Looking For. What surprised me when I first got on dating apps is that so many men that I matched with would ask what I was looking for. I wasn't sure how to respond because I wasn't sure what I actually was looking for then.
