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Jokes...post them here.
olddays1:
For Fuzz...
Cats
A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.
The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you!"
The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"
olddays1:
I just got scammed out of $25! Bought a Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 holes". Turns out it's about golf. Damn waste of money.
olddays1:
No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since, by Jewish law, a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'
They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.
'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'
Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband starts waving the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, 'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!!'
peacefulguy:
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes; she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
"She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God: "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "That's a little steep. What can I get, say, for just a rib?"
billyfridge:
MinLo met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500 . They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'
On the way to the office, MinLo regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
'Dear Madam: Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that: #1 - it had never been occupied; #2 - there was plenty of heat; and #3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that: #1 - it had been previously occupied, #2 - there wasn't any heat, and #3 - it was entirely too large.' Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:
'Dear Sir: #1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. #2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. #3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management. So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady...
[couchhide]
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