Forums > Offbeat Relish
Jokes...post them here.
texasboy:
--- Quote from: billyfridge on November 05, 2007, 04:48:40 pm ---What the bloody hell are you prattling on about Tex..........have you been consorting with 'Jack Daniels' ? :D
--- End quote ---
;D YES. Then I thought of Lynchburg Tennessee where Jack Daniels is made, which made me think of all those americans running around with their knickers on. >:D
cheers
texasboy:
;D ;D ;D Another one for Billy.lol
Weight Loss Program for Him
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss
program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as
a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can
catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, he takes off after
her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The
same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On
the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10
lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound
program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She
is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck
that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days,
the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better
shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he
discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go
for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program 'Are
you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most
rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next
day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge
muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a
sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your ass is mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week.
__________________
Dont you just love it.lol
cheers
texasboy:
One for the ladies.
Why men don't write advice columns
Dear Walter:I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs.. Sheila Usk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.Walter
>:D cheers
cissie:
Typical... hehe.... ::) a man talking about cars always seems to take precedence over sex.... i know a guy who would rather fix his car than go to bed for hot love making... silly bugger!!!
Women have an ignition switch as well... have a really great motor, and they also have twin carbies... much softer kind of course... their manifold is a little more difficult to find, but once found it's all systems go. Check your dip stick to check the oil levels, then when well lubricated, it's get in and drive it wild... :)
( i think my imagination got a little carried away... :-[ ;))
MinLo:
--- Quote from: texasboy on November 13, 2007, 09:11:27 am --- ;D ;D ;D Another one for Billy.lol
Weight Loss Program for Him
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss
program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as
a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can
catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, he takes off after
her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The
same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On
the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10
lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound
program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She
is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck
that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days,
the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better
shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he
discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go
for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program 'Are
you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most
rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next
day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge
muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a
sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your ass is mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week.
__________________
Dont you just love it.lol
cheers
--- End quote ---
:D :D :D
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version