Forums > Offbeat Relish
Jokes...post them here.
MinLo:
Good couple of postings guys ....alot of that stuff Billy happens here in the states as well....
billyfridge:
--- Quote from: MinLo on December 20, 2007, 03:16:36 am ---Good couple of postings guys ....alot of that stuff Billy happens here in the states as well....
--- End quote ---
I think it's called 'progress' Minlo ::)
zhaine177:
Already late for the deal the smalltime coked up dealer was nervously looking to park his car in heavy traffic. His phone rings. It was the Jamaican druglord.
" Yo were the drugs at mon? Tings are getting harry hea booy! You r five minats awee from bein dead!!" The line closes before the dealer can reply.
He looks up at the sky and starts praying.
" Oh God Almighty please have mercy on my useless soul and spare me this one time. Save me by finding me a parking spot so I can get the drugs to the deal ontime. I promise if You do I'll quit using drugs, I'll stop dealing drugs and I'll stop lying to everyone."
At that moment about three cars down, someone gets into his car and starts pulling away from a parking spot.
The dealer screams!
" Nevermind God I found one!!!!! "
olddays1:
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies . "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you"She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."The cab driver is very excited and says,"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying."My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?""Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."The nun says,"That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party."
texasboy:
If any of you have ever had an accident at work ,you will know how important PPI is (Personal Protection Insurance). You might want to have a look at this.
Would PPI cover this?
Accident Report
This one needs an introduction, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident at work, so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:
"I am writing in response to your request for additional information, for block number 3 of the accident reporting form.
I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware.
Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools."
"You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel." "Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."
;D
cheers
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