Forums > Offbeat Relish
Jokes...post them here.
deckkeeper:
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't.
billyfridge:
???..................... ::)
weera:
Football in Heaven
Two close friends, Ucup and Boneng, was sitting-sat while feeding the fish in the pond and discussed football,
the game that was played by them every day, moreover for the world cup yesterday.
Suddenly Ucup said to Boneng, "According to you, is there football in heaven?"
Boneng thought for a moment and answered, "Wow, I don't know..
But let's made the agreement then: if I died first, I will return and tell you if they had football in heaven, and if you died first,
you must do the same thing."
They did the handshake and the sadness is several months afterwards, Ucup unfortunate died.
One day, as usual Boneng was sitting at the edge of the pond feeding his fish alone when he heard the voice whispering,
"Neng.. Boneng..." Boneng surprised and looking around him, "Ucup..?! Is that you there?"
Yes It's Me, Neng", whispered the ghost Ucup.
In his astonishment Boneng asked, "So, did they had football in heaven?"
"Hold on.." Ucup said, I had the good news and the bad news here."
"Tell me the good news first then", said Boneng still curious.
Ucup said, "Yes... There was football in heaven.."
Boneng is very happy, "That's great!" Then what's the bad news that could ruin this great news?!
Ucup bellowed and whispered, "you will be the goalkeeper this Saturday........."
deckkeeper:
--- Quote from: billyfridge on October 24, 2006, 05:45:25 pm --- ???..................... ::)
--- End quote ---
In binary, 10 means two.
kujo:
Not so much a joke but someone sent me this which I found to be quite amusing...
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where
they are in their menstrual cycle For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with
rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol
and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
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