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Jokes...post them here.
peacefulguy:
IRISH CHRISTENING
Patrick's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins ... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth, and had to be christened immediately so your brother Patrick came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he's a clueless idiot ...
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's name?
'Denise' says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved, 'Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought ...'I really like Denise '
Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?'
The doctor replies ' Denephew ' ::) ;D ;D
olddays1:
A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a sheer Valentine's Day negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea ... it's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.."
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
beautiful:
any more jokes please
billyfridge:
LITTLE CHIP ON MATHS
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Chip.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Chip says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little CHIP replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
[couchhide]
[shifty]
peacefulguy:
Prince Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner He pasted a hooker standing there every day.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.
"No! Five pounds!" He said from the side of His mouth, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
She'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!"
He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"
One day, Camilla decided to accompany her 'husband'.
As the couple neared the hooker's corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his Wife
As they neared the hooker’s corner he became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.
Then, the hooker yelled:
"See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard!"
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