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Jokes...post them here.

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texasboy:
 ;D It had to come from a cowboy.lol

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was
a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very
little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a
ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided
to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house
than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every
day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a
really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and
kick up your heels."

! The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired
hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he
found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine,
waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off,"
she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He
did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off
my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire
light. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was
told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town
again, you're fired."

(P.S. - Yeah, I didn't see it coming, either)
cheers

billyfridge:
 [yikes]

olddays1:
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check .'

'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!' 'I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, th e dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

 The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,

'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!'

billyfridge:
He he he.............nice one :D

olddays1:
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!?!"

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