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Author Topic: Jokes...post them here.  (Read 151946 times)

Offline billyfridge

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2007, 07:06:33 pm »
another one for you...............

A young girl was walking in the woods when an old priest saw her. He strode up to her and asked her if shed climb a certain tree for him. The girl happily went up the tree and the happy priest watched as she climbed. Then the girl climbed down and the priest gave her a dollar.

The next day, when the girl came home from school, she found that her mom had found the dollar hidden under her pillow and she was asked where she had gotten it. The girl told her mom about the priest and climbing the tree. The mother screamed, "You foolish girl. Don’t you know that priest only wanted to see your panties! Don’t ever do that again." The mom scolded the girl.

The next day, the mother found another dollar under her daughters pillow. Now she really gave it to the young girl when she got home.
"Didn’t I tell you not to climb the tree for that priest so he can see your panties?" The mother huffed. The girl smiled at this.
"Oh no mother, I did not let him see my panties this time. I was smart. I took them off before I climbed the tree!"

 :D

MinLo

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #16 on: March 05, 2007, 02:22:56 am »
 :D :D :D

texasboy

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2007, 05:40:43 am »
 ;D

Englishman Irishman and Scotsman are shipwrecked on a desert island, after several months they are walking along the shore one morning when bottle washes up, the cork is pulled and a Genie appears,
'Your wish is my command,' says the Genie. The Englishman says oh to be in my village pub with a pint of beer in my hand and girl sat on my knee, in a flash he has gone. The Scotsman says och to be back in the highlands with a lassie at my side and bottle of malt whiskey, in a flash he disappears too.
The Irishman says I am really going to have to think about this, ok says the Genie but make your mind up before sunset or you will loose your wish. After wandering around the island all day the Irishman returns to the Genie 'have you made your mind up yet?' the Genie asks, well says the Irishman I've spent all day wandering about the Island on my own I'm feeling a bit lonely I wish my two mates were back!

cheers

MinLo

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #18 on: April 01, 2007, 05:34:06 pm »
I don't get it...... ??? Went right over my head ???........Maybe I'm dumb :-\ or maybe because I'm American :-\........Or possibly both :-[ :D

Offline billyfridge

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2007, 06:28:18 pm »
Tex...........don't give yer day job up............. ;)

texasboy

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2007, 07:30:48 am »
 ;D 
Whats white and cant climb trees?


a "Fridge" :-[
cheers

What's the difference between a man and a kangaroo?
A kangaroo joey crawls from the womb to the pouch while a man crawls from the couch to the bedwomb.
again cheers ::)
« Last Edit: April 03, 2007, 06:36:29 am by texasboy »

texasboy

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #21 on: April 12, 2007, 06:38:52 am »
 ;D
Some time ago Mr Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice.

The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon.

The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice.

Just before the meal, the Presient noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef.

The meal went OK but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse till finally he had to excuse himself from the state dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end and this made him feel even worse. By now he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened and as he undid his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about passout, she bent over him and heard her president whisper in a barely audible voice, "sack my cook".

cheers ::)

Offline billyfridge

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« Reply #22 on: April 28, 2007, 06:54:05 pm »
a little joke for yer....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal
car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates
waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin
to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed
up, they asked him.

St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. "Let
me go find out", and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is
still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to
get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?

 :D

texasboy

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #23 on: May 04, 2007, 05:57:22 am »
 ;D Almost as good as mine Billy ::)

VIAGRA---Not having to say "sorry"
cheers

Offline billyfridge

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #24 on: May 04, 2007, 04:57:11 pm »
;D Almost as good as mine Billy ::)

VIAGRA---Not having to say "sorry"
cheers

err......'sorry'....wot for Tex??????

he he he :D

Offline billyfridge

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« Reply #25 on: July 23, 2007, 04:03:18 pm »
Tex was telling Minlo, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered  Minlo . "What kind is it?"
" Twelve thirty ."



 :D

Offline billyfridge

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« Reply #26 on: July 23, 2007, 04:15:24 pm »
Tex and I were sitting on a bench under a tree when I turned to Tex and said: "Tex, I'm 65 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Tex says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

he he he

MinLo

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #27 on: July 23, 2007, 07:05:36 pm »
Tex and I were sitting on a bench under a tree when I turned to Tex and said: "Tex, I'm 65 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Tex says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

he he he
Tex was telling Minlo, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered  Minlo . "What kind is it?"
" Twelve thirty ."



 :D


Good ones Billy!!!! :D :D :D

cissie

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #28 on: July 23, 2007, 07:16:38 pm »
hehehee..... that's good.. hehe... should have a pic of the two of you together.. that would be interesting.  Wonder if it could be arranged..

gr1ngo

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #29 on: August 13, 2007, 09:30:11 pm »
The Wedding Test

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my
friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only
one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight
miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near
me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be
deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had
feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not
really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me
just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I’m
going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just
come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched
her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her
panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the
front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked
straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his
eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome
to the family!"

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your
car.

________