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Author Topic: Jokes...post them here.  (Read 153305 times)

Offline death

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #120 on: October 27, 2008, 10:35:18 am »
> A bored casino dealer and his pit boss were waiting at an empty crap table
> at a Gulfport , Miss. casino. A very attractive blonde woman from Dothan ,
> Alabama arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
> She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play
> topless.'
> With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, 'Come
> on,
> Southern Girl needs new clothes!'
>
> As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and
> squealed
> 'YES! YES! I WON! I WON!'
>
> She hugged each of the men ... and then picked up her winnings, and her
> clothes, and quickly departed.
>
> The dealer and pit boss stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of
> them asked, 'What did she roll?'
>
> The other answered, 'I don't know ... I thought you were watching.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> 1.. Not all Southerners are stupid.
> 2.. Not all blondes are dumb.
> 3.. But all men ... are men.

Offline billyfridge

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #121 on: October 27, 2008, 11:03:47 am »
he he he....nice one Death...

texasboy

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #122 on: November 07, 2008, 09:07:49 am »
 ;D I`m sure you have all seen the latest one floating around since the USA elections and Obama,

All the black ladies in the southern states have shaved off their pubic hair and sent the following message to Obama.

Read our lips.
No Bush here!!!!

cheers

Offline billyfridge

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #123 on: November 07, 2008, 07:16:00 pm »
;D I`m sure you have all seen the latest one floating around since the USA elections and Obama,

All the black ladies in the southern states have shaved off their pubic hair and sent the following message to Obama.

Read our lips.
No Bush here!!!!

cheers

Tex, i bet the plumbers are doin a roaring trade in the US!!



(unblocking the drains.....derrr) ;)

dtl

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #124 on: November 08, 2008, 01:45:50 am »
;D I`m sure you have all seen the latest one floating around since the USA elections and Obama,

All the black ladies in the southern states have shaved off their pubic hair and sent the following message to Obama.

Read our lips.
No Bush here!!!!

cheers

The gardener was sacked today after walking into the Oval room and asking "has anybody seen the spade?"

Offline death

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #125 on: November 10, 2008, 06:07:58 am »

Offline billyfridge

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #126 on: November 17, 2008, 04:55:05 am »
A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up".

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live".

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied: "I didn't recognize you".


texasboy

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #127 on: November 17, 2008, 05:42:20 am »
 ;D ;D  Nice one Billy.
cheers

Offline billyfridge

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #128 on: November 23, 2008, 09:38:29 pm »
Tex, and his wife were driving to London UK,

He gets pulled over by the Police,

The woman police officer says, "Sir, did you know you were speeding?"

Tex turns to his wife and asks, "What did she say?"

His wife  yells, "SHE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The police woman says, "May I see your license?"

Tex turns to his wife and asks, "What did she say?"

Mrs Tex yells, "SHE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."

Tex gives her his license.

The police woman says, "I see you are from Ireland. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a man I have ever had."

Tex turns to his wife and asks, "What did she say?"

"SHE THINKS SHE KNOWS YOU," the wife yells.

 [LOL!]


Offline death

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #129 on: November 23, 2008, 11:24:37 pm »
 [LOL!] [LOL!] [rofl] [rofl] [LOL!] [LOL!] [clap] [clap]

dtl

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #130 on: November 24, 2008, 06:06:53 am »
 [LOL!] [yes]

Offline fuzzytomcat

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #131 on: November 29, 2008, 02:52:14 pm »


 ;D

Offline olddays1

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #132 on: December 16, 2008, 07:59:56 am »
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a
case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?"
asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife and so they carry on
shopping. A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face
cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price..."

On the PA system: "Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down."

Offline peacefulguy

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #133 on: January 16, 2009, 12:46:00 pm »
Stumpy Legged Pink Dog


A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, "Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it." 50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.

Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.

Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, "Say what breed is that anyway?"

The owner says, "Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator."

Offline peacefulguy

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Re: Jokes...post them here.
« Reply #134 on: January 16, 2009, 12:46:45 pm »
A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose selling point was that it was on top of the largest skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniel's. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everybody's surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it. "Easy," says the man. "Outside this window are some very strong wind currents which can carry you back to the window."

"Wow," says the man at the bar. "I gotta try this." He takes a running leap out the window and falls to a horrible, bloody, and flat death.

"Geez, Superman," says the bartender. "You can be a real a jerk when you're drunk."